a declaration of trekking my path while honouring yours

The contrast between the selection playing on my television tonight and last night is so stark it's comical. Granted, one was picked by my sister and the other my mom but still, Sex and the City one night and the David Suzuki movie the next? Crazy stuff.

I half watched Carrie Bradshaw and her cohorts and half read one night but I fully tuned in on the next for Force of Nature, a documentary that, well, documents Dr. Suzuki's life and legacy. And I know I've said this before but no matter: David Suzuki is brilliant.

To me, it's so absurd that people can continue chasing the paper dream of a prestigious career and lots of money to buy a huge apartment with a ridiculously large closest in which to put more shoes than any one person has ever or will ever need. When I look at that image, it's so abundantly obvious that there is nothing meaningful or fulfilling about it. I mean, to see the joy these women get from seeing a handbag, simply because it has five highly considered letters on it is mind boggling.

And it's easy, too easy, for me to look down on that and adopt an air of superiority. I don't buy into that consumer culture so I'm better. But honestly, it's not even like that. I'm just so dumbfounded and perplexed that we have somehow been convinced that the way to happiness is not through connection and family and self-fulfillment but through shopping and simulating perfection in every aspect of your life.

And speaking of simulating perfection and me being unconventional, I feel like I have an announcement to make. Drumroll. Heavy silence. Okay.

I'm not intending to graduate high school.

*Sigh* That was intense. Yeahbutso I didn't make this decision because I am lazy (though I sometimes am), ambition-less (meh, debatable) and stupid (which is not to say I don't feel stupid sometimes). I could very well complete the requirements and receive my Dogwood Certificate.* Heck, I wrote a novel in a month, not once but twice. I can do anything.

The point is, I've decided it's not for me. I've decided to defy the myth of high school Drop Outs** going on to nothing greater than a career at McDonald's. I've decided that I don't need a piece of paper to tell me I'm capable of doing what I'm told. I've decided to dare bigger and fail better.

And now I sound like I'm pissing on everyone else's high school parade. Excellent.

What I'm trying to get across is that I am a weird person. I do weird things and think weird thoughts and I am different. Yet I am doing my best to be the different person I am without condemning you for being who you are. I am trying--at times exceedingly hard--to not judge, and not look down on, and basically just honour your path while at the same time confirming that it's not for me.

The other thing I'm trying to say is that, sometimesusually, the act of honouring other people's choices and paths is really hard. I'm still trying.

p.s. To clarify this whole high school thing, it's not a sudden choice or even a solid affirmation. It's been a long time coming, I've thought about it all and ultimately decided that I don't need to meet all the course requirements of a high school diploma. Which is not to say that I've dropped all my courses. I'm still doing the courses I am passionate about. The main part of this is the fact that graduating is no longer something I'm working towards. It's not a milestone for me anymore, a necessary checkpoint on the road of my life. It's just there and maybe I'll get to it but it's not my purpose and it's not going to stop me from continuing on with my life. We good?

*British Columbian for 'you checked the right boxes and passed the right tests. You may now be functional. Oh no wait, go to university, then we'll talk.'
**I guess I'm not a true drop out as you can't drop out of something you never dropped into. Can you?

Comparisons

I feel like I haven't blogged in a really long time. Technically it's been a week, but nothing you can do will stop my fountains of guilt.* In that week, other topics have been of a magnitude** with which I cannot compare, at least right now. Schoolwork is killing my soul. (A message from my anguished soul: BITCH IT IS SATURDAY I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS.)

Wooo, personification.

While I haven't blogged, I've recently become addicted to tumblr, further spiraling down the path of social media and instant gratification. I like tumblr because it encourages plagiarism of sorts. Things other people have found/created can be used to create an image of myself as a whole. (Philosophical time: isn't this what even IRL existence is, really? Wooo, deep.) Though if you look at my tumblr as a metaphor for myself, I'm pretty random***. Venn diagrams, bouncy gay pride sheep, a meme for music nerds~ (What is that symbol? It's the tilde, only useful in the Spanish language methinks, but more than that, it shall henceforth be used to denote A SUPERTANGENT, like a footnote, but not at very the end, and like a regular tangent, but with intervening non-tangential thoughts.) Nerdfighter jokes, things I'd usually deem inappropriate to devote an entire blog to, such as how American Government is killing my soul. (See above. But not the subject of an entire post, you see.)

~So as not to make this post an advertisement for my tumblr, I'd like to discuss the notion of music nerdery. (I would say Nerdfightery, but for the sake of inclusion--and shorter words--let's assume base-level nerds.) I am not a particularly musical person, but over the years I've come to appreciate it as some people do sports, as a spectator. I like some things that are mainstream/contemporary, whereas conventionally defined music nerds shun that which is popular (see also: hipsters), yet are infatuated with the discographies of bands from *insert decade of choice here*. The percentage of music I enjoy from bygone eras does tend to exceed the percentage that is current, but almost never to the extent/level of absolute infatuation that people on the internet**** are. (Grammatically incorrect sentence ahoy?) And I know it's ridiculous, but it makes me feel like an unworthy nerd. Of course we're always told not to give a shit what other people think, but these things can't be helped.

Actual footnotes:

* Actually more like slight paranoia that you guys will hate me for not blogging.

** . . . no earthquake pun intended.

*** Wrong use of the word random! Disjunct, I mean. In reference to my personality.

**** And IRL. Honestly, "nerdier than thou" seems to have become a thing, and it's not fun.

Earth, in all her glory

When you think about it -- I mean, really sit down and think -- you have to admit that the Earth rocks (and not just the tectonic plates!). Like, earthquakes, hurricanes, tsunamis, wildfires? Earth does what Earth's gotta do. Dump a shitload of water over the southern coast of the USA? No big deal. Shake enough to drive a thousand cracks into the ground? Done. And yet, despite her daily duties, Earth manages to keep revolving around the sun.

It's easy to sit back here, in my stable house in inland Maryland, where the one earthquake I've ever experienced barely registered on the Richter scale and where we get "tropical storms," hurricanes' weaker cousins, and praise the earth for all her wonders. I mean, if I look at it objectively, natural disasters happen to every species on the planet, and they are -- as horrible as it sounds -- a necessary way to keep the population down. Disease, tornadoes, war, death -- if they didn't exist, neither would any of us. We'd overrun the planet. We'd kill us all by our sheer mass. So, yeah, I can look at any awful thing that happens to other people and shake my head and say, "Wow, that sucks, but it's part of life."

Except -- it's different when it happens to you. Most of us don't want to die of anything but old age, and none of us want to die suffering. Earthquakes fascinate me, but I don't want one to destroy my house and kill my family. Shit's always going to happen, but that doesn't lessen the suckitude of each individual incident.

In the end, I think that we have to continue to do what we're doing now: avoid natural disasters when we can, regulate ourselves so we don't cause not-so-natural disasters, and help clean up when the inevitable happens. And -- accept that no matter how often our leaders issue statements of condolence, no matter how much technology improves, no matter how many people suffer and die, this is a part of life, but not a part of life to accept in a defeated silence. Earth gives us so much, but she takes so much as well. By agreeing to stay on this planet, we must accept that, as the saying goes, no one makes it through life alive. The best we can do is extend a hand -- and more than that, extend our resources, our workers, and our hearts -- when something like this happens. We all live under an incredible amount of risk each day. We're all human. We can't control Earth, so instead, we all help.

the f word

As Vita mentioned, it's Women's History Month in the States* as well as International Women's Week this week and as International Women's Day on Tuesday, March 8th. That's a whole lot of celebrating.

On Sunday, I woke up too early and trekked all the way to Vancouver for a brunch at the YWCA with some empowering women which was actually just some fruit and a bunch of people talking about the work they do for the greater good. The young people in the room were put on the spot afterwards for the discussion and someone even gave me their card before I left. Fancy that!

For the rest of the afternoon, I hung out in the Vancouver Public Library's Central Branch (a huge and wondrous place). This, of course, is after my mom and I have dragged my friend all over the city in search of this one amazing sushi restaurant that we were sure was on just the next street. And then the street after that.** In case you're wondering why I sat in a library for three hours, A) that place is freaking awesome and B) it made logical sense to hang out in Vancouver rather than go home and come back for my writing class that night.

In my small hamlet we have not one, but two library systems. It's kind of ridiculous but pretty useful. It's nice that you can always play them off each other and it definitely widens the available material. The libraries themselves aren't extremely large but the database is quite full. What I prefer about central branches and especially those of big cities is that they have teen non-fiction. And I am a fan of teen non-fiction.***

I brought Catching Fire which I was rereading at the time, thinking I would just find a chair and read that, but then... I saw the teen non-fiction section. And I was lost to the world.

In short, I found a book called Full Frontal Feminism and figured I might as well read a bit, to participate in the movement in some way and three hours later, I was halfway through it and reluctantly put it back on the shelf. (I don't have an inter-library card. Alas.)

I learned a lot in those three hours and the book was pretty amusing, too. The voice was very honest and the argument compelling. Maybe the word feminism has a bad connotation in our society but that book made me want to embrace it (not the bad connotation but the word and the movement).

Anyway, if you're looking for some way to observe the 100th International Women's Day, I recommend Full Frontal Feminism by Jessica Valenti. It's lays it out, clear and simple, and if you're not a feminist by the third chapter, well, I don't know what to say.

*I think we celebrate Women's History Month in October in Canada. Or that's what the government is saying.
**We eventually found the place but it was the journey that made it worthwhile.
***Not that there's anything wrong with adult non-fiction but sometimes it's nice to read something that's written for you as an audience.

In Which I Write a Poem and Ramble

It's snowing in March and that makes me sad.

I didn't know what to write about today,

so I'll blog you a poem instead.

Meaning happy, of course, I am not.

Quick, before this gets angsty and existential,

Someone stab me with a pencil.

I've messed up the ABA rhyme scheme.

Or are things not as they seem?

I could continue like this until the end of time.

Just as long as the lines rhyme.

Did you know that Dr. Seuss

's name was meant as a rhyme for "rejoice"?

Now you do.

My stanzas are uneven,

The topics waxing pointless,

But hopefully you've lol'd a bit

As I give up and end in free verse.

Regardless of the questionable rhyming, all facts outlined in the above poem are true. It's 11:36 on a Saturday and I'm procrastinating on Government homework, which, in addition to the portion I'm procrastinating on, also involves the viewing of the Sunday morning news, which necessitates my waking up before ten in the morning, and so within reason I should be going to bed soon. I won't, though, because this has become how I roll given any free time in the hours during which most sensible people would voluntarily choose to go to bed, because of the health benefits of adequate amounts of sleep. I voluntarily choose not to be sensible. Or I'm naturally senseless, but by declaring it as choice my senselessness has effectively been hidden a bit. Yay for illogic and run-on sentences!

Calgary!

Despite the fact that it is -21°C (approximately -6°F) there at present, I am ridiculously excited to be travelling to Calgary exactly  three weeks from today.

Why? you ask from behind your computer screen, like any sane person would. Why are you so happy to be going somewhere so frigidly cold that the freezer in your kitchen is probably warmer*? 


Because, dear readers, I have a sister (three, actually. Technicality).

Visiting your grown up sister in her grown up house in a city you've never been to and are generally psyched to visit? Win.

I don't think I've mentioned that my older sister Rachel is currently on a program called Katimavik that's sponsored by the government (one of the few worthwhile things they seem to fund) where you go to a different province and live with ten other youth and work and volunteer and have general fun times. But regardless of whether I've told you, she is. And I'm visiting, come March 24th.

I will leave you with that because I am tired and you probably have homework to do. Don't deny it. I know the reality sucks but soon it will be over and you can follow your dreams. Maybe.

Calgary. Squeeeeeeee.

p.s. I've been reading so many books lately. Namely, It's Kind Of A Funny Story by Ned Vizzini; Delirium by Lauren Oliver; Shiver by Maggie Stiefvater; and others. I'm a machine.
p.p.s. For the comment revolution: What are YOU currently looking forward to? ALSO, do you have Goodreads? (It's like Facebook but for books. I recommend it.)

*Yeah, that's right. I have Food Safe Certification which, for you outsiders, means I have a piece of paper that proves I know when food is in the DANGER ZONE. Technically, I don't have the paper on me seeing as how they haven't mailed it to me but that's not my fault. I'm qualified, damn it!