Backstory: I was (and still am) a quirky, nervous sort of child. I had the "typical" fears of the dark, of bees, of needles. The base and unavoidable things like pain and the unknown. And also oddly specific ones like overhead lighting fixtures falling, and my family dying via ~fill in gruesome method of the day~. Over the course of a few years I developed a collection of superstitious/ritualistic behaviors* to prevent these things, which I followed religiously and without question.
The "without question" part has changed, (obviously, or I wouldn't be writing this. It's been a while since I've started this post, and it's beginning to strike me as vastly uninteresting. Sorry, y'all. This isn't necessarily one that's meant to provoke intense discussion. You can comment if you want, but this is mostly for the purpose of me venting.) and I've been using the all-knowing wonder of Dr. Google to sort out what is normal-yet-unnecessary superstition and what is actual obsessive compulsion. Through it, I've kind of accepted the fact that I have some form of OCD. OCD is such a variable mental illness, though, anyone with the ability to stretch their imagination can see themselves fitting the symptoms. Maybe I am trying too hard. Even though I'll be the first person to recognize these things are irrational (and also annoying as fuck), to the point where a professional opinion seems like a good idea.
This is another can of worms in itself, though, because my mother believes mental health disorders (and the treatment thereof) are largely hokum**, making the already awkward conversation of, "Hey, mom, I suspect a problem with my overall mental state and would feel better about the whole situation if it was evaluated by someone with a degree instead of the internet." way more awkward, because what I see as a legitimate concern she sees as nothing, a normal emotion turned into an imaginary condition developed to sell drugs. Le sigh.***
Footnotes!
* I'm not going to bore you with the details; suffice to say they involve arbitrary and repetitious things like touching doorknobs and mostly interfere with my sleeping habits.
** As a result of several books about how drug companies are manufacturing huge buckets of pills and lies.
*** I don't know about whoever else may be reading this far, but I'm slightly uncomfortable with the utter seriousness of this post. Here, have a video of a cat. :D
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