I'm kind of an emotional person. I cry in movies. I feel guilt easily. I am empathic, compassionate some sometimes self sacrificing. I hate hurting people, whether it's their physical being or their mental/emotional state. I hate saying goodbye whether it's to my mother when she's going away for a weekend or to my Japanese exchange students who I'll likely never see again.
This makes me something of a cripple.
You don't even have to tell me you're feeling hurt, offended, neglected or unloved. If I get the faintest impression that you are, I will probably get upset with myself about that. And maybe I don't seem like that type of person. Yes, I am strong willed and opinionated and blah blah blah. But I'm also emotionally impressionable. I'm easily affected by others and I'm very sensitive to the tension and emotions around me.
Why am I telling you this? I guess I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed lately. I was supposed to be going camping with a friend for a week but then I cancelled on her because I was invited to the Caribbean (she understood, I'm pretty sure, but I still feel awful). Now I'm leaving my little sister for two weeks to gallivant around on a cruise ship and possibly to go Harry Potter World (I'm feeling pretty guilty about that, not to mention spoiled, selfish and undeserving). To top it off I recently got a job so I've had to get a bank deposit sheet and Hepatitus A vaccine, which sucked because I hate needles (it wasn't that bad, though), and find my social insurance number and buy black pants. Also, I'm trying to finish my Visual Arts course and feeling like a total deadbeat student even though my mentor is completely supportive and nice and thinks I'm doing great (I'm not, but the thought is nice).
Tomorrow I have a contact fitting at 1pm and then my job orientation at 2pm which makes me a little frazzled.
The overwhelmed busyness mixed with the guilt and pre-vacation stress is getting to me. Also, my sister went away today on the camping trip I ditched and I'll miss her. Plus, I'm missing my oldest sister (who I haven't seen in 6 months) who met John Green and is in England and having rotten luck finding worthwhile employers (to give you an example of my easily disrupted tear ducts, I totally cried a little when we went to see How To Train Your Dragon without her because she absolutely loved that movie and I wished she had been there rather than in London with her stupid employers).
Whatever. I should go to bed. Tomorrow is going to be crazy enough without adding lack of sleep into the mix. Damnit, it's already quarter to 12. Why?!?!?! Catch all of you on the flip flop.
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