Thursday, August 2, 2012

"I Love You" is hard.

So tomorrow is Esther Day.

Esther devised a concise, meaningful way for the Nerdfighter community to honor/remember her.

I haven't literally told anyone I'm close to the words "I love you" in a very, very long time. (Long before the previous Esther Day, I admit.) They know I love them, and I know they love me. It's easier to be offhand about my affection for these people:

"Okay, love you, bye."
"You too, bye."

Is how the ends of all my conversations with people I love whom I won't see for an extended period go. But literally sitting someone down, looking them in the face and saying all three of those words apropos of nothing, is extremely uncomfortable to me. I know the point is that it's supposed to be hard. I know it probably shouldn't be this hard, because I should do it more often. The fact remains that I am very, very bad at dealing with things with gravitas. "Serious conversations", whether the subject is good or bad, can literally make me squirm if I go too long without saying anything that elicits at least a slight mildly amused laugh from the person I'm talking to.

But enough about my personal flaws. The reason I typed out this thing is because now I have the internet (or, my notion of people on the internet's judgment of me) to hold me to this. I will do Esther Day.