Sunday, August 29, 2010

Behind & Torn

Being away from the internet for a whole week is a startling experience, to say the least. For one, I have no idea what Maureen Johnson is up to. There could be a week's worth of inside jokes that I'm not inside of. I've gathered that she's in England again but apart from that I'm in the dark. I haven't read blogs, watched YouTube or been connected in any way, really. I feel out of the loop and it's rather hard to catch up.

Also, Mockingjay was released almost a week ago and I've yet to get my hands on it. My whole family has read it, even though we originally agreed that I'd get it first. These are the prices you must pay for traversing the sea, as Vita put it.

To top it off, my mother is not answering the phone, which is bewildering. What's with the busy signal, people? Too busy for your own nomadic daughter? *sigh* The middle child syndrome strikes again. (news flash: she answered! Yay!)

It's hot in Florida. The need for air conditioning and fans freaks me out. What happens if those fans fall from the ceiling and decapitate you? Seriously, these are the super big problems I face.

The cruise was good. I mean, I felt like a gluttonous, extravagant, selfish, elitist, tourist, pale face, but I enjoyed myself for the most part. God, I'm so pale. However, I am the one person in my group who did not sunburn. The fairest of us all and I was diligent about my SPF 60. Take that, Scottish genes!

I kind of feel awful about myself now, though. As an environmentalist, I don't feel like I can justify all the flying and driving and cruising and eating*. The crew on the ship are from all around the world, mostly developing countries, and I'm sure they must have to work very hard, for long hours and they probably don't get paid very much. And, I don't know what it is about being a tourist, but I can't stand that feeling of being so significantly wealthy that I can go on a luxury vacation and be extravagant and play dress up while the waitresses and busboys are working 12 hours a day so they can send money home to their families in Indonesia. I hate that. That stupidly uneven distribution. And I hate to be so naive as to ask this but why isn't the world more fair?

On top of all this, I have this moral debate going on because I want my mother to pick me up from the Seattle Airport tomorrow night at 11:30pm but I feel selfish for making her drive two and a half hours in the night, wasting resources and emitting carbon so I can go home and see my mom a day earlier.

I don't know why it's so important for me to get home other than book club, and not wanting to miss anything else that's happening at home and missing my sisters terribly and wanting to see my mom again and just generally sucking at independence. I can actually do independence quite well but I still really love my family.

I guess it's just my lovely spoiledness coming through again.

*I have not mentioned the ditching of my friends whom I had plans with since months ago.

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