America's Humble-ish Beginnings

I'm studying for my AP US History unit test at the mo. Here is some of what I have learned this year, condensed:

Once upon a time, the Earth is formed. Shortly thereafter, a fellow called Christopher Columbus discovers what he thinks is India, i.e. America. However, he didn't actually discover this land, and he was also sort of a wimpy bitch, so he doesn't actually matter, and Columbus Day is a stupid holiday that I don't even get off school for.

After a century or two, some Puritans hop on a boat and sail to Plymouth in the hopes of inspiring England to reform its church after seeing this glorious model city... which was thousands of miles away... and tiny... and easy to ignore. The Puritans are a pretty happenin' bunch. For example, they force their citizens to confess their sins in an extremely fun/humiliating/public way before they could become "saints" (church members). Also, Salem has a fun killing spree for a couple of months! GRRR DOWN WITH THE WITCHES! ...Oh, except they weren't actually witches?

It's all good.

More Europeans hop to America and indulge themselves in varying forms of entertainment, such as killing Native Americans. It's a pretty fun party, but sometimes the Native Americans get pissed (crazy, right?) and fight back and kill settlers. And then the settlers attempt to kill twice as many Native Americans. (Continue for the next two hundred years.)

England takes control of the majority of the East Coast and establishes colonies. The colonists are cool with this until some acts are declared, such as the We Can Take All Your Money Under the Guise of Fair Taxes Act. This is not so cool with the colonists, who dump some tea in the ocean and are all GRRRR WAR!

The colonists win this war not so much because they are good at fighting but because they (along with the Spanish and French) somehow outlast the British. Then they create the Articles of Confederation, which is a synonym for Massive Failure. THEN they create the Constitution, and the states are all WHAT THE EFF IS THIS SHIT, but they ratify it anyway.

George Washington is elected president - unanimously - for the first and last time evaaaaaaah, bitches! He offers some sage advice that modern day politicians will try to invoke and largely fail.

Then he leaves office and dies.

Not immediately, nor as a cause/effect type of thing, but still. He dies. Hopefully you knew that there isn't any three hundred year old former president running around.

A Story About Uzbekistan

The capital of which is Tashkent. Care to find out how I know that, and will presumably never forget it? Doesn't matter, you ARE.

In sixth grade, there was the "Geo Bee", a series of tests similar to a spelling bee but with geography questions. After 2 rounds of regular quiz-type things (labeling the states, then labeling the 50 countries with the highest populations.) there was the final round, on stage.

I made it to the stage round, and while I was walking to the gym/auditorium a teacher (whom I didn't know at the time taught 8th grade Social Studies and was frankly jokes.) and I had the following conversation:

Mr. H: "Congratulations on making it this far. Are you nervous?"

M: "Not really. Unless they ask me something hard, like what the capital of Russia is."*

Mr. H: "Moscow."

M: "Erhem... right. But what if they ask me something REALLY hard, like what the capital of Uzbekistan is?"

Mr. H: "I don't even know that one... good question."

Shortly after that, on the round where all the answers were capitals, I got this question:

"After the breakup of the Soviet Union in 1991, this capital of Uzbekistan was the first city to implement a subway system."**

(I guessed Uzbekistania City.)

I was convinced I was clairvoyant for a while after that. And I was also slightly mad at Mr. H for not knowing. THAT ANSWER was the only thing between me and winning a CHOCOLATE CAKE. (but, the next question I would have gotten regarded the former name of Kosovo or something, so I would've been screwed then...) Why had I picked Uzbekistan anyway? It sounded long and confusing, to make up for the stupidity of not knowing the capital of Russia, but I could have just as well picked Sri Lanka, the capital of which I still don't know.***

I'm remembering this incident because I'm rereading Looking For Alaska and marveling at all the things I didn't understand when I read it the first time, when I was 12. (Shortly after this video.)****

I pretty much exemplify John's point, because having read that when I was 12, I have no scarring to my young, impressionable, unable-to-think-critically brain tissue. Sure I didn't *get* it entirely, but that's not a problem, that's the fun of rereading.

Where was I? Yeah. Uzbekistan. Apparently it's a popular capital to quiz people on, because it's confusing and relatively unknown. The Colonel knows the capital of it too.

Footnotes! (longer than usual, prepare yourself.)

*I could never remember if it was Moscow or St. Petersburg.

**Or something like that. It may have been phrased like a Jeopardy question, and it probably had some unnecessary information, like the subway system. Because that sounds harder than "What's the capital of Uzbekistan?"

***With good reason. I looked it up on Wikipedia, it's "Sri Jayawardenapura Kotte" WTF?

****Back in the old days of vlogbrothers, I was pretty much "The Littlest Nerdfighter". A title I wore proudly. I wanted to read it just because it was deemed controversial and (almost) banned. Banned books have a tendency to be awesome, as evidenced by Vita's post.

*****(after a while I looked up a list of challenged books in the US on Wikipedia, this is my reaction...) Oh COME ON. James and the Giant Peach? The Witches? What, The BFG? *scrolls* No, but, The Giver? WHY? Harry Potter, the Bible, that book about gay penguins, *sigh* fine. Ban/challenge/complain/whine about them if you want, but what is so objectionable about How To Eat Fried Worms? All examples that I read when I was fairly young, and Roald Dahl still kicks ass.

That Was Interesting...

Hello!

I got home quite recently and have to leave again in about five minutes and therefore don't have time to write a real blog, but here is an article about what happened at my school today:

http://www.wusa9.com/news/local/story.aspx?storyid=98082&catid=158

It was simultaneously really frightening and boring. It didn't help that my friend and sat there, in Yearbook, theorizing about the many possibilities of gun assault and if anyone had been shot.

Nobody was. There possibly wasn't even a gun. We were living in fear/boredom for an hour and a half. This would be more interesting if I had more time, but I don't; alas. Moral of the story: don't bring guns to school.

My favorite rumour was that there were three students arrested, two of whom were carrying guns, one of whom was carrying an axe, and all of whom were involved in the raging cocaine/drug war (spoiler: there isn't a raging cocaine/drug war at RM).

It sounded plausible at the time...

Bagels!!

You know this if you stalk me on Twitter, but today I made BAGELS. I don't know about you, but I am something of a bagel aficionado. Maybe it's just carbs I love, but, ever since I can remember eating breakfasts of solid foods, I can remember eating bagels. It is, after all, the best breakfast food.

So today I bravely set forth into No Man's Land in an attempt to pave myself a place in the Bagel Hall of Fame. Is there such a thing? There should be. I would totally go. ROAD TRIP.

I love... wow I can't remember how that sentence was going to end. It could be a myriad of things...

• bagels (is this redundant?)
• my birthday
• cats (especially those who do funny things)
• making subtle jabs at Twilight
• Harry Potter

This list could go on but I was talking about BAGELS so let's get back to that. Why are there so many buts in this blog? I'd stop, but I cannot. By the way is there supposed to be a comma before a but? It seems like there should be.

Look at my bagels! They look real, don't they?

Yes, the bagel in the bottom right corner is a little misshapen but (damnit) all things considered, I think they turned out pretty well. There were more, only I ate them. They were tasty.

I have nothing else much to say. The bagels basically eclipsed everything else that happened today (which was basically nothing, anyway).

One more thing: I'm officially declaring May 10th (which happens to be my birthday--coincidence?) to be CARB DAY! Carb Day is when you eat nothing but carbohydrates and it is a grand excuse for a holiday. Is the a Holiday Registration Centre of some sort? Carb Day is going to be huge. See you on the other side.

This is your brain on ???

**A Public Service Announcement**



Not "you" specifically, the general "you". Which in this case mostly means ME.

Yeah, that lovely shot says 1,000 words, doesn't it? Including:

--"Fuck fuckity fuck fuck..." (ad infinitum)
-- "Ahdjgogmv... must go sleep. Or die. Whichever comes first."
-- "Would this angle be considered camera-whore-y? The PUFF takes up nearly the entire frame."
-- A general look of disgruntledness and unpreparedness over having picture taken, even though subject of photo is the one who TOOK said photo. The *headdesk*-ing is imminent.
-- "God, the lighting sucks. I look a bit like a vampire. Which is fitting. Somewhere in the deep recesses of my brain where humor is, I may even find this funny. I look like I have no mouth, but am instead bleeding from the middle front region of my head..."
-- "Does my lip always look like that, or can I blame the lighting?"
-- "Will posting this in place of a blog seem like totally narcissistic nonsense?"

Answer: No, stressy brain. Don't worry about that NOW. Now, it's just to prove a point, a point expressed long ago non-personal-photographically. (Like, a whole YEAR ago. Almost. Hey, it's almost BEDA again!) Click it and compare. Though today this was not due to humidity, just my stress-habit of running my fingers out through it...

(When this is posted, Rena will have gained some sanity and, while still using this as a pathetic blog-substitute, will at least be aware of how ridiculous this particular picture/situation is.)

in which I use too many exclamation marks for no reason other than that I am CHIPPER (also for no reason)!

HELLO, DEAR READERS!

So as to keep the boat of life flowing down the same river, if you will, my teachers have yet again assigned me a lot of homeworky shit that I would prefer not to do! But as they say, a leak in the ship doesn't cause total sinkage! And so I am taking the mermaid by the fins and CONTINUING ON!

This morning in the class of our native language (English), we ventured to the mysterious and exciting dwelling also known as the library. As you can imagine, all was not well upon our arrival; namely, about half the computers were marked with the YELLOW PLAGUE* and were thus unfit for usage. THEREFORE, I and some other people were sent to the BOOK AREA to research using NON INTERNET MATERIALS. This was too crazy for us to handle**, so naturally we turned to other entertainment devices.

You know what I'm talking about - a book about banned books! Awesome, am I right or am I right? I LOVE reading banned books lists because, hey, what better way to rub it into book banners' faces that they failed to wipe said book off the face of the Earth than READING THEM, or even better, READING A LIST ABOUT THEM?

Books that were banned:

- The Bible (it IS pretty violent. Also, trippy)
- Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (already knew this one, but it's still STUPID!)
- To Kill a Mockingbird (also knew this one. Reasoning: it contains offensive racial material! Big issue with this argument: IT'S A BOOK ABOUT A FUCKING RACIST TOWN***, what do you expect it to be like? "Oh, and THEN we all had a nice BONFIRE and HELD HANDS and SUNG SONGS whilst Atticus whistled in the background and we all supported Tom Robinson WITH OUR HEARTS!" Also if I am correct, and I know I am, the book is criticising racism, not promoting it. Thus: FAILURE on the banners' part)
- The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin!**** (What scandalous secret is Benjamin hiding that I don't know about? AM CURIOUS)

* About half of them had yellow stickers on them, and the libraryish people said we couldn't use the ones with yellow stickers for reasons unknown
** Also I was feeling really lazy! And all of my sources are on the computer! And there were more interesting things to do! YAY!
*** And other things, but you see my point
**** May be called something else, but that's what it is