Monday, February 7, 2011

An Exercise in Parentheses

(You know what's annoying? I'll tell you what's annoying. It's annoying when you have lots of different internet accounts that you made at various stages in your life when you were using different email accounts for all of them and then Google suddenly owns all of those websites and you get a Gmail account and then every time you sign into a Googled-owned website you are logged in using your Gmail account even though that's not the correct one and it's very annoying but you're too lazy to change all of your accounts to the same Gmail email address. Hrrrrrrmph.)

(I have ingested so many croissants today. I'm ashamed to tell you how many croissants I've eaten. Fine, that's a lie. I would tell you but I don't know. I think I lost count. I'm going to die from a butter overdose. It'll be worth it. Do you feel like a total tool when you say the word "croissant" out loud? Are you supposed to pronounce it with the fancy phlegmy French "argh" -- that's not meant to be a tutorial on how to pronounce it, by the way -- or with the more colloquial but also more painful American "crrrrrraaassant?" I usually compromise by going with the "wah" sound -- "cwahssant" -- so I guess I find the small child with a speech problem approach to be a more acceptable solution.)

(Wednesday, we commence playing Banana Assassin. #fuckyesenviro)

(I signed up to donate blood today. Rationally, I'm not scared at all; I figure the pain will be something like getting a shot for 10 minutes, which isn't too bad. However, that doesn't mean that the irrational part of my brain won't make me pass out during the actual thing so, hmm, comforting. Also, as my friend so wisely pointed out, a month ago I wouldn't shut up complaining about how I probably have anemia, so why did I sign up to donate blood? The answer to which is, of course, I am a whiny bitch who is probably a secret attention whore. The practitioners do a quick blood test before the actual donating process, so I guess this will be the moment of truth.)

(Shit I am scared of bugs larger than small flies -- but only when they're indoors, or outdoors but very very large. I hate admitting that; it's such a cliché fear. Oh my god such a hipster being scared of bugs is so mainstream. To be more accurate, it's such a stupid fear. I don't want to be afraid of bugs. I want to dance with the bugs. I want to be bugs' best friends and help them build their nests of leaves. But I have such a stupid, involuntary physical reaction to seeing largeish bugs inside of my house, shuddering and shivering and blergh. Just blergh, goddammit.)

Hi. How was your day?

3 comments:

Alex said...

My day was nice.

And I say 'croissant' exceedingly pretentiously. Very nasal. Rather toolish.

Rena said...

That is annoying, but les cwahsonts are delicious. There is no shame in croissant comsumption. My day was mediocre. Important question: What is Banana Assassin?

Vita said...

Banana Assassin is a form of the game Assassin played using bananas. The essential point is that you murder your designated target using a banana whilst attempting to remain alive yourself. (By "murder" I mean "hit with a banana" and by "alive" I mean "not hit with a banana and thus still in the game.")