Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Awful Sentences

There's a contest (that I learned about from mental floss) in which the worst first lines to hypothetical novels are submitted and then chosen somehow. I don't know what there is to be won, but it sounds interesting enough to blog about and it's an excuse to include a list (again). With the only added further ado of my finishing this sentence and hitting the 'enter' key twice...:

"I sat in the corner, silently breathing, and contemplating my intense desire for a rubber band."

"This is a story about the time that stuff happened to those people that did other stuff."

"There was lightning, and then everyone died-- the end."

"The tuna swam--unaware of its fate, which was to continue swimming."

"Purple is a color that looks most perilous when applied to wounds and cows."

"'Don't worry', Steve the robot-ninja-dinosaur-pirate-dragon-zombie-werewolf-unicorn-alien-ferret-hunchback-vampire-doctor cried over his shoulder, "I've opened the pickle jar for you.'"

As horrid as these are, I'd really like to see a novel based around one of them. Or incorporate one into my writing. They're great in their complete wretchedness, and now I'm thinking about whatever could come after them.

In an unrelated turn of topic, it's night. It's also raining slightly, so I'm probably going to wander around outside barefoot for a bit. "Go for a walk" implies too much purposeful activity. I just like being outside when it rains. And I like that even though it's summer by nightfall the ground is cool enough to walk on barefoot. I feel vaguely guilty whenever I do this, though, because there are millions of people in the world who have to go barefoot even WHEN it's hot and I'm going without them by choice...

3 comments:

Vita said...

I laughed out loud reading some of those entries. (You can tell I'm serious because I didn't abbreviate to "LOL!") Methinks this one:

"'OMG' texted Sue-Anne to her compatriot Ellen, 'MY OWN PARENTS R DED!' It looked like the Mystery Girls had a new mystery!" from G. Paal

this one:
"The saying “I have got your back” almost never has the literal meaning of receipt or possession of another’s spine."

and this one:

"Splashy the whale smiled secretively, flapping his flappers and swimming." from Jackie J.

are the funniest. But they're all pretty godawfully hilarious. :D

Alex said...

Maybe I'm just tired, but I nearly cried laughing at the 2010 winners.

I think this one is great:
"This is a story about a racist hero who dies at the end, probably painfully since he'll get shot in the face."

Thank you for that.

Renata said...

"Fukutsuru died in 2005, but his frozen sperm lived on for people's benefit." is horrid. AND it was taken from a real Wikipedia entry. :D