Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Freudian Excuses

Happy June! (Or: it's JUNE. How is it June already?)

June is the month most people get married in, yes? I suppose that's a nice sentiment. Happy, sunny month equals happy, sunny lives. Idealists with their vision skewed by reckless romance and optimism. I don't know where this post is going except I've been watching too much television, my brain is ergo a rich frappe of reality and hyperbole and the imaginary. And all three of those rhyme so yay.

Really, nothing screams "child of divorced parents" more than total jadedness to the idea of love. I'm so predictable, shame on me. That excuse is only freudian, though. There's nothing that can't be blamed on some psychological, subconscious, or parental level that I have no control over. Not my fault, la la la. Why am I the way I am?* Genetics. My upbringing. My inner self is emotionally malnourished or some such metaphor. Granted, these personality traits, if inherent in my being, are strengthened by whatever observations I've made of romantic situations. Fictional romance always turns out better than real romance, that's a given. Sure everyone has quirks and issues and there's a plot twist 40 minutes in, but it works out okay. People with issues get people with issues, but they both turn out better for it. That being said, if my life was a movie**, and whoever I got paired with had to match me tit-for-tat*** on the crazy scale (as per my pervious statement), I'd probably end up with an obsessive compulsive grammar-nazi orphan who eats only red things on Thursdays and SHOUTS every few words FOR no REASON.**** With a nice speaking voice. And who smells good.*****

*That is to say a *bit* cynically optimistic, contradictory, socially inept, childish and weird...

**Which would be fun...

***That's such an underused expression. Probably because it sounds a tad suggestive. :)

****Or something. See Paragraph 1 Sentence 5 for explanation.

*****More important than the rest of the list by far.


Vita said...

On the flip side of the 50%-of-people-get-divorced statistic, 50% of people don't get divorced and are presumably in happy marriages. (Yes, some people are trapped in unhappy marriages, but I don't think that's the majority.) It's a very small majority yet it's still a heck of a lot of people if you're just talking about numbers. I find it encouraging.

Plus, I think people just expect too much of romantic love. If you think about all of the people you love platonically, like friends and family, there are probably tons of things about them that annoy you, yet you love them anyway. I feel like people expect to see those flaws eradicated in their romantic interests, which really sets them up for disappointment. And, permanently tying yourself to another person is a huge commitment - considering that there are so many conflicts in lifestyles/careers/beliefs/families/etc, it's not shameful that the divorce rate is so high, it's realistic.

Bien sur, my parents are still married so you have more experience in that field than I do. I wouldn't presume to comment on your parent's former marriage. :)

Rena said...

True. Platonic love is so much more abundant in the world normally, and it's also kind of more important and better than romantic love. I love the idea of true, permanent, romantic love, just because it's so romanticized (that was an unnecessarily redundant statement...). I doubt its existence just as much as I'm happy for 80 year old couples who stick it out til death do them part. 50% is neither really uplifting nor horrible, it just is and that's fine. :)

Alex said...

I think the thing about love that makes it last (speaking from my non-experience, as always) is not actually one thing but two (read: three), and probably more than that but for now... blah! Rambling.
1. Acceptance. Like actual 'I love you just the way you are, for realzies and, yes, things about you irritate me but I still want to be around you.'
2. Space. Having accepted the person, you need to give them room. Because (and yes, I'm about to spout a cliche but haven't I done that already?) PEOPLE CHANGE.
Also, 3. imagining people complexly while not expecting them to be something they're not. It's complicated.

And even then, it doesn't always work out. I don't think anyone can really blanket explain romantic relationships.

Also, I defy stereotypes by being not jaded about love due to parents separation. I think I'm too much of a realist* to believe in "true love" but I think love is wonderful, as long as it doesn't lead to depression or stalking. But than again, if it leads to those things, is it really love?

*cynic, whatever. I'm an idealist, too.