Everything that comes out of my mouth (or off of my fingers) is bound to be negative/whiny/generally unpleasant to read. THUS, spam mail that I have recently received:
- "You May Qualify for Bankruptcy!" (Pretty sure I'm not bankrupt. But thanks anyway.)
- "Your Credit Score is Updated" (NOT APPLICABLE)
- "Upgrade to a Portable Oxygen Concentrator Today" (This implies that I already have something of that sort with which I COULD upgrade, but sadly, I don't. Also, what the hell is a portable oxygen concentrator?)
- [SO MANY from the Nerdfighter's Ning saying "so and so is now a member of Harry Potter Nerds on Nerdfighters!" I love you, Nerdfighteria, but I REALLY DO NOT CARE. Is there a way to turn this off?]
SO MANY RUDE/SCARY EMAILS FROM COLLEGES
- "I'm surprised, Vita" [email reads: Vita, I thought I'd have heard from you by now. PLZ SEND IN UR REKWST 4 INFO PAKETTTT*!!!!!!! OKAY, well, maybe you should just LEAVE ME ALONE then]
- "Is this your email address, Vita?" [SHUT UP]
- "I need to reach Vita" [then find a goddamn phone book and STOP IT]
- "If there were a hidden camera, Vita..." [And now we are entering the realm of creepy. Dear God, I hope Gettysburg College hasn't hidden any cameras in my house...]
Oh, I'm SORRY that I haven't PERSONALLY RESPONDED to your FIFTY THOUSAND EMAILS that all consist of the same thing: a link to your website. HOW CREATIVE OF YOU.
* Perhaps this is not word for word correct. Really though.