New Moon is still what I like to call a "jk movie,"* but it is closer to a legitimate movie than Twilight was.
(Twilight was AMAZING. If it had been marketed as a comedy it would have been... SO. GOOD. I believe Twilight is self-parodying and the movie exemplifies that to great, great heights.)
And, seeing as I have made fun of the whole Twilight thing many, many times, I feel it is only fair to give it a (relatively) unbiased review.
Okay, not unbiased, but... less "WHATEVER" than would perhaps be normal.
1) The plot sucked. If they didn't have to follow the book so stringently it probably wouldn't have been so bad, but if they'd left anything else out they'd have run the risk of being murdered by The Masses.
Ignoring the fact that I don't feel the love towards many of the characters to begin with: I was not heartbroken in the least when Edward left. I was more "O HAI EDWERD, O JK BI." SO RUSHED. Same with the end. (Oh my f@#k, the end = HILARIOUS. Rena, I don't know if you've seen it/are planning to, but it is SO MUCH BETTER than the book. And by "better" I mean "ridiculous," and by "ridiculous" I mean "not in the slang sense but in the sense that it was actually absurd.")
2) Unsuspecting moviegoer: Victoria? Who the hell is that? Also, who the hell is that red haired chica and why is she hurting the wolfies?
Maybe this type of movie is made specifically for the fans - and lawd knows it worked on some level because it made a crapload of money - but if you didn't read the books, I feel like you'd be REALLY CONFUSED. Not because the plot is complicated but because nothing is explained. Maybe they didn't want to bog it down with tons of exposition, but they should have put it in there somehow, because it was... empty.
3) Acting: not that bad. Weirdly, I have never hated Kristen Stewart. I don't know what she does outside of movie making (I hear she smokes somethin'-somethin', and of that I disapprove [if it is indeed true], but other than that I don't really care about her personal life. Unless she, you knows, kills wolves or something) and from the things I've seen her in, she doesn't deserve to be hated. Not that I'd nominate her for The Best Actress EVER Award, but she's not half bad, I don't think. The stuttering/blinking is a bit overdone, but when you think about it? In line with the character. Seriously, being Bella doesn't give her much to work with. Bella has approximately 3 emotional settings/lack thereof: 1) Indifferent, 2) Panicked, 3) In Love. In New Moon Book Edition she spends the vast majority of her time in Indifferent mode. Kristen S does that pretty damn well. Occasionally she is In Love: all she has to do is breath heavily and faint, WHICH SHE DOES. Panicked: well, she did run a few times...
4) R-Pattz, I'm sorry; I get teary when you die in HP4, and I understand that Edward is not the most fulfilling roll... but you were a little... mm, creepy. More than you were before. AHHH *nightmares*
Blah, sorry for this not making any sense/destroying your brain cells. SO TIRED. <3
(PS, I feel somewhat obliged to post part of my substantially-less-than-50k-novel, and I'll get around to it eventually, but not tonight because a) the file won't open on this computer at the moment, which leads to 2a) which is that I am lazy, and b) because it is sort of crap and I'm somewhat ashamed to show it to the world. But that's okay. Friday, mebbe?)
* i.e. a "just kidding" movie, i.e. a movie that is so _____ (circle one: strange, bad, funny) that it can't possibly be considered a serious/legitimate/FOR REALS film.
1 comment:
I would say this is a fair review.
Edward was creepier than before.
I do have one thing that I'm going to rant about and that is the last line of the movie.
I may seem a little fangirly here. I'm sorry for that.
"Real" Edward would NEVER utter the sentence "Marry me... Bella?" Do the script writers not understand that Edward has two facets to his personality? a) He is obsessively in love with Bella and b) he grew up in the early 20th century. Those are his things. He already has a flimsy character but if you take away those things he literally is nothing. Not that you could ever take thing A away from him. He is so clingy. Every sentence he said in the movie that reveal this fact made me laugh (for example: [sounding petulant and tragically misunderstood] "Bella, do you not understand my feelings for you?")
Anyway people who are born in 1901 do not stand there with a smirk on their face and say 'Marry me.' They get down on one knee list out all the ways in which they love the woman and then they say in a full sentence like grown men, "Will you marry me?"
But no. Edward had to be all modern and seemingly casual and offhand.
Fine, people in charge of New Moon, be that way. Do me a favour and button up Rob's top, will you?
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