Mr. Darcy Smack Down

Ever had a moment where your life feels less like a real actual life and more like some warped episode of One Tree Hill? Yesterday that kind of happened to me when a friend told me to stay away from her brother. I’ve had a few moments in my life when I didn’t know whether to laugh or run from the room screaming and this was definitely one of those moments. Maybe it was a joke. Either way I've since decided to make light of the matter.

I’m still at a loss for what prompted her to say this. I’ll first fill you in on a few key relationship points of her brother and me: a) I have seen him on two occasions. b) I have never talked to him. c) I have never made eye contact with him. d) I once remarked on the fact that he is good looking/hot/attractive/gorgeous. e) My friend was not present for that remark.

So it came as a bit of a shock for me when she says, completely out of the blue—and I quote—“You guys really need to stay away from my brother.”

Cue the confused faces.

Here is my response to this to the boy in question--Pride and Prejudice style. This was taken directly from Mr. Darcy's proposal(s) in the 2005 movie mashed together with the same scene in the book. I'm enjoying this, in case you couldn't already tell. Names may have been changed. In case you're confused, I'm Mr. Darcy and Glenn is Elizabeth Bennet.

Me: Glenn. I have struggled in vain and can bear it no longer. These past months have been a torment. I came to this sleepover at your sister's house with the single object of seeing you... I had to see you. I have fought against my better judgement, your family's expectations and the slight difference in age between us. All these things I am willing to put aside and ask you to end my agony.

Glenn: I don't understand.

Me: You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you. Ever since I've I saw you carrying those Girl Guide cookies from my door to your car, all I've thought about is you.

Glenn: I appreciate the struggle you have been through and I am very sorry to have caused you pain. Believe me, it was unconsciously done.

Me: Is this your reply?

Glenn: Yes.

Me: Are you... are you laughing at me?

Glenn: No.

Me: Are you rejecting me?

Glenn: I'm sure the feelings, which you have told me have hindered your regard, will help you in overcoming it.

Me: And this is the reply which I am to have the honour of expecting! I might, perhaps, wish to be informed why, with so little endeavor at civility, I am thus rejected? But it is of small importance.

Glenn: And I might as well inquire why, with so evident a design of insulting me, you chose to tell me you liked my against your better judgement.

Me: So this is your opinion of me. Thank you for explaining so fully. Forgive me for having taken up so much of your time.

I really do love Mr. Darcy.

*A note to my friend, if she happens to be reading this, which I doubt, but it seems prudent: I'm sorry for making a joke of your... sentiments. I'm really not sure what was the proper reaction to you words was, but I apologize if you're hurt by this blog. Honestly, I didn't know how else to deal with it.