As I tell you all the story of the infamous Mrs. Jump! Let's start chronologically...
I had Mrs. Jump as a sub starting in 1st grade, my first "memory" involving her is that she was spelling words out loud to us. I got SO mad at her for pronouncing the letter "w" as "Dubya". (my dislike of this pronunciation and THE Dubya began early) But maybe this was just my intolerance for accents when I was younger. Need more proof she's nuts?
In 3rd grade, we were allowed to have healthy snacks in the morning. They HAD to be healthy, so it was fine. Usually it was like a piece of fruit or something. You get the point. Keep that in mind when I tell you this:
One kid goes up to Mrs. Jump and innocently asks if we could have our snacks.* She explodes** "Whaaaaat? This lesson plan says nothing about snacks! You shouldn't eat snacks! I've never eaten a snack in my life and I'm as thin as a pencil! You're all fat already! That's why!!! Snacks have made you all fat and lazy!"
(No, lady. You are old and chickenlike. Your neck flapples around when you shriek like that.)
She called us FAT and LAZY.*** I don't think insulting young children counts as "teaching".
This was only the most memorable of her outbursts. There were more similar rants on whatever we happened to be doing, even if was what we were SUPPOSED to be doing. Once I was finishing a coloring sheet**** and she snapped "No coloring! Pay attention!" (She failed to notice almost everyone was coloring.) She also tried to convert me to right-handedness. Apparently lefties are "improper". I know that she picked on everyone in that class in different ways, but I remember and am more offended by the things she did to me.
Questions!
Alex: YES I SAW IT! YES IT WAS AWESOME! YES I'LL STOP THIS NOW!
(but OMG OMG OMG yes yes yes yes yes I LUFFED it for the most part. As Vita said the end was a bit disappointing, but overall it inspires the use of CAPS TO THE MAX!)*****
Vita: Yes, it's kind of fun, but not in the middle of July when they have the back-to-school stuff next to the discounted 4th of July stuff and between the Christmas decorations and the Halloween stuff. It's crazy.
My question: 42. Have you ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
Footnotez:
*I was in 3rd grade love with this kid. At the time I adored his courage.
**Change the voice in your head to that of an 80 year old Southern woman. It gets crazier.
*** Okay, a few kids were, but it's not nice to admit it! Adding to her list of insults: My friend in a different class told me she called them DEAF and lazy. (Well, it's nice to have a little variety...)
**** Anyone else do those grid direction sheets? ("Color square G4 green. Color square H4 blue... it would make a picture eventually.)
***** Oh yea, the rest of my summer is going well too, thanks for asking.
3 comments:
Haha, oh those craaazy subs. Mrs. Jump sounds like one of those *really bad* ones that you absolutely don't want because they are a) mean, b) both oblivious and way too watchful, c) treat everyone like they're five (it makes me wonder how they treat five year olds... like they're two?).
About the snacks: yes, because causing children to hate their bodies at the wee age of eight is an EXCELLENT plan. :P
I TOTALLY remember those coloring sheets! My teachers used to use something similar to teach us about X and Y coordinates in math, I think.
Or of course d.) All of the above!
When we were younger I think the point of those sheets was to make sure we just followed the directions, and/or to shut us up.
You have to love school.
How sad is it that I missed out on all these activities and teachers, at home chasing butterflies?
Rena, you make me laugh.
I'm glad you enjoyed Harry Potter SOOOOOOOO much.
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