mind-reading, internet style

THE INTERNET NEEDS WEBSITES THAT:

1) allows you to hum a verse from a song that's stuck in your head, but you can't quite remember the title, and then gives you a few possibilities for the song you're thinking of
- Must accommodate for tone-deafness

2) recognizes song lyrics and other quotes that are ever so slightly misquoted and are thus difficult to find in a Google search, leading to high levels of frustration upon learning that the searcher was just off by a word or two

3) gives you a synonym for a word that can be used in the same context as the original word, so as to avoid sounding like an thesaurus-guzzling idiot when, in writing, you replace the adjective "spooky" (as in, "the howling noises coming from the house were spooky") with "supernatural" (as in, "the howling noises coming from the house were supernatural").
- Would require the entire sentence/paragraph as well as the individual word

4) correctly translates sentences and paragraphs from one language to another; different from current online translators, which generally only translate words or simple phrases correctly (the grammar and sentence structure varying from language to language)
- May be opposed by foreign language teachers who are concerned about their students cheating

Have you ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? No, not that I can remember; at any rate, nothing that caused permanent harm. I used to chew on paper (construction, etc) when I was younger, though. Turned my tongue all sorts of funny colors.

Do you prefer typing or writing by hand, in terms of a) speed, b) comfort, and c) style [neatness, appearance, whatever]?