Friday, July 23, 2010

(Eh eh eh) (Umbrella?) (No. J-Biebz.)


I have something serious to confess. Like, it's actually as if I'm turning this post into a Horcrux not only because I'm sharing with you a piece of my soul but also because it would be great and ultimately a whole lot safer for me if I hid this post somewhere that nobody (except maybe Harry Potter) could find it.

I do not hate Justin Bieber.

In fact, I find some of his songs almost... catchy.

Yeah, this pretty much is a Horcrux. I'm sure I caused somebody to commit suicide by the thought that somebody, somewhere doesn't outright hate J-Biebz.

(Murder. That's a requirement, right? Does being an enabler count?)

As a disclaimer, let me maintain that I find the whole concept of J-Biebz to be absurdly ridiculous. Like, have you heard him? Have you compared his voice to that of the seven year old boy I babysit? Have you noticed the distinct similarities between the two? Also, Ludacris rapping about a 13 year old girl waking him up in the morning is somewhat disturbing and potentially pedophilic, even if it is meant as a lovely little trip down memory lane.

Plus, the four songs of his that I've heard (One Time, Baby, One Less Lonely Girl, and now - for the first time ever - Never Let You Go) all sound so freaking identical. I just listened to three in a row (the first two and the last of the aforementioned songs, if you're curious) and I can already feel a headache coming on.

Come to think of it, that might just be my brain melting out of my ears. I have the urge to slam my head against a brick wall just to restore something rough and concrete. J-Biebz's songs are so... gooey.

(One may make the argument that hitting my head would, in actuality, hurt my brain and make it less stable rather than more stable. However, the sentiment remains.)

So no, I'm not claiming that J-Biebz is a musical genius or even a particularly good singer. If nothing else, he deserves credit for managing to strike millions of prepubescent girls as extremely adorable. Or "hawtt," if that's more your style.

He's three months older than me (thanks, Google!) but he looks and sounds much younger. And despite the fact that I may be morally obligated to fight for the rights of teenage artists, I have trouble taking Bieber seriously, much less think of him as a serious artist. Or an artist at all. Or even as, like, a real person.

Still... that strangely alluring "eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh" sure does get your foot tapping, or perhaps more likely, your twelve your old heart pumping.

P.S., since he's from the ever lovely Canadia... he's all yours, Alex. ;)

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