Thursday, July 1, 2010


I've had a strange upbringing. We all have, I suppose, but I can't help thinking how remarkably different I am from my peers. The weirdest part, though, is how okay I am with that. I've gotten over the part of my life where I wanted to fit in. Mostly. I mean, I still like wearing skinny jeans and having my hair straight, but I do that for me, not them. And yes, sometimes I get that weird twinge of wanting to fit in. Wanting to go out and buy pretty, trendy clothes and talk about boys and silly, vain things that don't really interest me. But then I blink and go back to laughing about how awesome and fun it is to dress up as a Ravenclaw student and go see Eclipse at midnight on a Wednesday night.

Being nerdy is so much fun and I'd rather fit in that way than attempting to conform to a cutout.

Then someone says something and I'm struck by how wrong they are. Not in a 'I'm right and you're wrong' way, but in a 'My beliefs and opinions are startlingly different from most other people's'.

Exhibit A
(Not sure if either of you watch my video blog so forgive me if I'm repeating myself) My friend said the other day that you can't always go to your baby when it's crying because if you do it'll get spoiled and too accustomed to you coming around. It made sense in context. I couldn't really say anything. I was just struck by how much I disagreed. Then I said something about how ignoring your baby is similar to ignoring another person and their needs. It's like saying, "Oh, I can't listen to what you're saying right now because otherwise you'll get too used to being treated well." Maybe that's harsh but that's how I see it.

Feel free to disagree with me (not sure why I need to say this, but I'm putting it out there). I know attachment parenting is foreign to some people. I understand the spoiled myth and where it comes from. But really, wouldn't you rather have a "spoiled" child who knows that you love them than a neglected child who feels like you don't care?

I'm not a parent. And I don't think you should give your child whatever they want, whenever they want it. I'm not advocating being a total pushover who folds to their child's every whim. I'm just saying that if you're wondering why your teenager doesn't trust you, think back to when they were an infant and maybe it'll connect. Or maybe it won't.

Also, if your baby realizes that you'll come every time it cries and then it starts crying more often just to see you, maybe you're not spending enough time holding your baby.

There's a lot more to this. Parenting is kind of a controversial thing. I'm going to go though without giving you the slightest review on Eclipse. Maybe Sunday. I hear fireworks in the background. Yay Canada? Though, really, as made apparent by Wheezy Waiter, Canada wasn't fulled independent until 1982. So that's nice.

1 comment:

Vita said...

Mm, I think the baby thing goes both ways. When they're infants - like teeny tiny little things who can do absolutely nothing for themselves - I think it's your responsibility as a parent to go to them whenever they cry. I mean, they're infants, they aren't trying to manipulate you, they just need something. However, when they're a little older (I don't know how old; I'm not a baby expert, but definitely more than a couple months old), I do agree that you shouldn't immediately rush to their side whenever they start crying, especially if they start crying right after you leave the room, for example. I don't think going to them "spoils" them, but it does make them more dependent on you and even though little kids are obviously dependent on their parents, they still have to develop a sense of independence, you know? I mean, you want to them to realize that they aren't going to die whenever their mommy or daddy isn't around. You know what I mean? I don't think it's a case of spoiling them/neglecting them; it's more just, I want my child to be loved and cared for without them being overly anxious whenever I leave.

I think it's natural behavior to wait a minute or two to go to your baby because it's very possible that they'll stop crying, right? If they legitimately need something (for example, food, or they're really lonely), they'll keep crying. If they're just temporarily sad that you've gone to cook dinner, they'll probably get over it pretty quickly.

Happy Canada Day anyway! :)